Creative Vulnerability

Yesterday, I started a new project. One barrier after another jumped up to block me. I felt vulnerable, but kept going. Perhaps I should have given it more preparation, but it seems, no matter how carefully we plan, there are usually some “flies in the ointment.”

By the time the 11:00 news came on last night, I felt the weight of failure.

My critical self talk yammered away, “Who told you you were creative…compared to what?” “Just who do you think you are anyway?”  “The lighting wasn’t good, your lips moved, your staging sucked, you popped the sounds on the letter “P.” You recorded five minutes, before realizing the mic wasn’t turned on, you tripped on the cord and pulled over the camera. Why do you even try? Just forget it. You’re old. You’re no good!”

Vulnerability leaves us defenseless, open and stripped of our armor. It's in this position that we die or show great courage. And the payoff is that we don’t die. We evolve into a deeper humanity with understanding. Somehow, not only do we survive, we rise up with courage and renewed creativity.

Vulnerability TED speaker, Brene Brown said, "Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage!" Dr. Brene Brown’s talk “Listening to Shame”. is well worth your time.

This morning I looked at yesterday's video project with my husband, Ken, who told me he thought it was good. I saw some creative moments. The project is not perfect, but there are a number of wonderful spontaneous flowing moments.  Today, my artist self says, “It accomplishes more than expected. Let it be.”